Irritable Vowel Syndrome. Yes, "vowel".

One of the most confusing, suffocating, panic-inducing experiences I'm facing as I stare into the bowels of NeverEverLand (thats, to never ever eat meat again Land), is the sense of a bombardment of irritating new words.

"What the heck is a tempeh?", I wonder, as I gaze at a list of Vegan Protein options,"It must be a typo."

Apparently it's a real word. So, I have an idea.

In June, ComicCon is coming to Niagara Falls. I shall dress up as a Klingon, and recite protein alternatives in double time, "Tofu seitan quinoa! Flax bulger! TEMPEH!"

I must be cautious though; I figure, with enough intensity, I'll be arrested for uttering threats (in another language), or at least escorted off the property with an event ban. Oppression!

I suppose my point is, there are so many "new" words (at least to me) that it's truly like learning another language. Oh wait - that's because it is. I mean, if I wrapped all of those products in a yellow, wax paper wrapper with a big golden "M" and added "Mc" to the beginning of it, I could sell it in approximately 34,000 franchise locations. No question.

Of course, we'd have to leave it on the left side of the menu because only weirdos eat from the right (healthier) side.

It's amazing the power of words. It's a power to manipulate. For some reason, when you categorically define something as "the better" or "healthier" choice, we second guess it as a mainstream society. Perhaps that's why I'm feeling so overwhelmed at the idea of such a drastic change.

There also seem to be so many rules to these new words. Some soy is good, but not too much. And seitan is packed full of protein and is fantastic - except if you're guten-intolerant and then it's uncomfortable to say the least.

One of the first most comprehensive yet easy to read breakdowns on Proteins can be found HERE. It's a good, easy three-pager, with the list of protein options on the third page.

I suppose this is why I've called this a transition period. I can't learn it all in one day - or even week - it will take time. Time to learn, and try, and tweak and mix and play until I find the concoctions I like the most. Fortunately, the vegan community - thus far -has been warm, and friendly and welcoming and informative and helpful. In time, the irritating part should pass, and hopefully I'll have successfully replaced all of the toxic sources of proteins with good ones in my diet.

"I" before "E", except after "C",
Fat Guy