Got Change, Mister?

When Episodes I, II and III hit theaters, I watched the movie in the company of the largest size popcorn and soda the theater sold. Just as I had with dozens, if not hundreds, of movies before that.

When The Lord of the Rings trilogy hit the big screen I did the same thing.

It goes back to my family motto, a genetically encoded belief system that states,"If 'Some' is GOOD then 'more' is BETTER and 'Lots' is freakin' *GREAT*!"

After all, there are logical reasons to getting the largest size snack combo:

Dollar value/Return on Investment
More kernels and fluid ounces per penny than the small or mid sizes.

Don't Skip A Beat
No need to leave halfway through the show for a refill , the gallon of fluid is enough to keep hydrated for 90-120 running minutes (or more in the case of LOTR)

Manliness
Real men don't drink out of dainty little cups. Keg size for masculinity!

To me, at that point in my life, the idea of getting the "regular" size WAS getting the largest. That was my regular serving and to think of anything less was ridiculous... sheer insanity! The concept of small-sizing went against everything that was bred into me.

Or was it.

Jack LaLanne once said (and I paraphrase),"If its man-made, don't eat it."

Then, he made a juicer.

And it was a good juicer. So good in fact that I bought one and I love it. Had anyone suggested to me years ago that I would one day enjoy the benefits of tossing an apple, carrots, celery, a beet and some cucumber all down a little shaft of a whirlymatic buzzing machine on my counter, nevermind actually look forward to it, I'd have had you committed to the same magical resort where the "small size" soda drinkers stay and frolic all day in tight white long-sleeve jackets.

So far, as I delve into the world of Veganism, I am greeted with that same feeling of shock and panic that came over me when I considered never ever drinking soda or smoking a cigarette again. The idea of that change was a concept as obscure and intangible as quantum physics. Could I really give up foods that I've loved for decades?

"It's change for the better!" I tell myself.

Why better? For a lot of reasons. Most of which are as intangible to the same people who can't comprehend quarks, nevermind actually describe Einstein-Podolsky-Rosen paradox in layman's terms.The reality is this:

- we were never designed to each processed foods.

- the world's natural resources (water, minerals, land) are being exploited trying to feed the planet's human
population and yet most of the food goes to waste while at least 1 billion people starve every day.

- the means by which most processed foods are cultivated, from start to finish, either directly or indirectly is unhealthy and affects us in ways we don't even realize until its too late, or are too stubborn to acknowledge.

- the "rules" were developed by our basic biological functions. But we ignore them in lieu of "recommendations" made up by a bunch of rich folks who have vested interests in us buying their products. Ergo, the Milk Man is never going to tell you milk is bad for you, hence, "It does a body good!" (What they fail to mention is "the body" is the governing body of rich capitalists who gain financially from cows being so over-milked and over-treated that they are physically ill and should not be milked, thus more medications and treatments are used to over compensate for the abuse of the animal's genetic system, hence more garbage being added to the milk, which you later put in a nice clean glass to serve your kids. Yum!)

My struggle is not so much of an ethical or moral dilemma; just because its cute and fuzzy doesn't mean it wouldn't taste great. For that reason, one of my biggest hurdles to face is rationalizing giving up protein sources that come from free-range, naturally-raised sources and even those with zero human intervention, such as Newfoundland Moose (which, I gotta tell you is hands down one of the best reasons to remain a carnivore!). But, rest assured, the personal dilemma to give up red meat that's shrink wrapped, hormone-laden and potentially bacteria-filled that was produced on a farm owned by some rich beef tycoon...well..... that's an easy decision.

If mass-produced farm animals are the only source of food left on Planet Carl, then "No thanks...."

I'd rather eat Schrödinger's cat.

Sin-cerely,
FatGuy