With exception to a few "slender" years, I've been fat my whole life.
Big boned. Thick. Of good stock. Whatever you want to call it, I've been built for power, not speed. I'm the stereotypical endomorphic body type, right out of the text books.
And I was a lazy kid.
Don't get me wrong, I worked hard; I just did not enjoy health and fitness. I was deterred at a young age. Sometime around puberty, when growth spurts were taking off, I developed serious leg cramping and knee aches. They were diagnosed as Patellofemoral Pain Syndrome, or as I put it, "a perfectly great excuse to get out of those lousy windsprints" that everyone hated in gym class.
The problem was simple: I was empowered as a child to make my own decision between potentially damaging joint pain and the pain one experiences when challenging their body to push and exceed current limits. When I faced the discomfort of exercise, I pulled out the doctor's note excuse.
"Teacher, I have to stop - my knees hurt."
That sounds wrong for so many reasons. And it was.
If only I could go back in time and slap that child and make him run. It would have done him some good. In reality, not running caused far more damage long term than any short term knee pain would have been.
As such, youth is wasted on the young. Then again, not too much has changed in some ways. For example, the number one personality flaw I've had my entire life is my need for instant gratification. If there was not an immediate benefit, I grew frustrated. I was the child who expected that after thirty minutes of piano practice I should be able to play Mozart's K545 Sonata in C major, completely. Without mistake.
The same went for the guitar. And then golfing. And darts. And basically anything I've ever done from swimming to weight lifting to tennis to cooking. If I couldn't do it well, I gave up. Without mastering the basic, fundamental techniques. Sadly, that personality flaw... that very huge personality flaw... has never subsided. Imagine my shock when I learned that people study the same skills for years, such as a sushi chef who will dedicate years of apprenticeship just to perfect rice! Inconthievable!
I remember playing outside with my childhood friend, Andre. Andre was the stereotypical athletic kid. He had the pennants hanging in his room for a team in every league of every sport. He could play just about any sport we tried. He always seemed to be full of energy. He never just sat and watched TV. Never ran out of breath or broke a sweat. Come to think of it, I don't think he even had sweat glands. Naturally, when he wanted to go throw a football around in the park, that usually meant I ended up huffing, puffing and drenched in sweat, suffering like a rainbow trout in a dry creek bed. He didn't even breathe. Come to think of it, I think he was an android.
Andre broached the subject one day. We were having a lovely time playing "50 yard Olympic Runner", a game I most certainly enjoyed because I hadn't suffered enough yet in Life by that point. After losing the dashing race to the demon spawn that he was for the 279th time, or so it felt, the suspected offspring of Satan suddenly blurts out, "You don't run properly. You have a short step and you don't swing your arms enough."
Five years later, a similar situation occurred during high school basket ball practice. I was the token fat-guy benchwarmer who never scored a goal, never saved the day, and never impressed the cheerleaders. In fact I think the night I quit suddenly during practice, no one even cared or noticed. I wasn't any good at it, so I didn't want to do it anymore.
I have become tempered somewhat by age, maturity and experience, with experience meaning enough accumulative failures add up to outweigh the instinct to give up and finally wanting to accomplish something. I look back and realize that taking on new tasks and doing something new, uncomfortable or even painful is simply a decision. I just have to want it bad enough. Suddenly, 25 or so years later after suffering alongside Andre the Robot, I can run.
Nothing has changed. It's still hard. But I haven't give up. I've pursued results and I haven't given up, because I am no longer that person who needs to see instant results every day; that person is persona non grata (Latin). No longer welcome in my life. I don't need to run a marathon on my first day.
Tonight, I completed my 2nd day of Week 5 of the couch-to-5k program #5k101app by @toddlange. I was drenched, huffing and puffing. It hurt to practice my new skills but, practice is teaching me how to orchestrate my own Sonata, in whatever Key I choose to be in. I'm not concert-level yet, but I will be.
The best part about completing Week Five Day Two was proving to myself that Week Five Day One wasn't a fluke. Not to be cliche, but if I can do it, anyone can. Even if you have bad knees.
Carpe diem,
Fat Guy
No comments:
Post a Comment