The Wins of Change

As 2013 rolls around to the end, I find myself looking back on the year past with a certain blend of self-satisfaction, humility, regret, admiration and a plethora of other thoughts.

"Walking down the street
Distant memories

In a nod to the Chinese horoscope, it was The Year of The Changling.

Are buried in the past forever
I follow the Moskva

You see, it wasn't just my change in diet. It wasn't just my change in career. It wasn't just my change in exercise. It wasn't just my change in residence. It wasn't just my change into anyone thing once. It was my change of everything. And in some cases, the change back.

Down to Gorky Park
Listening to the wind of change //

In fact, arguably, it wasn't just change at all. It was my evolution.

It was the Year of Evolution.

I began the year as a Veg*n. Unclear of what it all meant, I through myself into a pile of green leaves and carrot sticks, expecting salad would be the death of me, or at least the creative foodie in me. I took up running, I gave up sweets. I took up vegetarian cooking, gave up dairy. I switched it all. The perpetual Fat Kid in me migrated away from a life of highly processed foods, despite all the strange looks from others, and dove into a whirlwind flight of juicer purchases, fresh produce and many-a-meal with coworkers, who spent most of the meal questioning where I intended to "get enough protein?". Enough!

Not quite. I went on for more Change.

I threw caution to the wind and walked away from a stable salary job at the corporate level to shift into an entirely different field, in a Commissioned sales position. Egads!

By mid-year I was back to working fourteen hour days, seven days a week, racking up countless miles on my car. I was spending countless hours haggling prices with prospective clients across tables strewn with coffee cups and littered with the crumbs of a commercial baked pastry. Or five.

I made every effort to stay true to myself; the initial successes I had were slowly halting or worse, being reversed. Soon enough, I skipped meals, stopped packing lunches and strayed back to the fast food lifestyle I'd worked so hard to leave behind. Fortunately, with some gained wisdom I could approach a counter now with a different, more selective view of my former vice.

Needless to say, I became a connoisseur of the veggie patty industry, having sampled nearly every single provider out there, and every combination of toppings.

I spiralled back down into despair. My choices became based, once again, upon convenience, and I bartered with myself for forgiveness...

"I'll get back on track Tomorrow."

Tomorrow. Tomorrow. I love you tomorrow. You're only a day a-way. That perpetually positively optimistic little red headed bitch and her silly song. Tomorrow never comes. It's that imaginary land where humans plant their seeds of procrastination and sow them with their good intentions.

In fact its amazing to have that epiphany of revelation when you suddenly clue in to the fact that Humans are the only living being on the planet that is currently (known to be) able to justify and rationalize: We can rationalize the hell out of anything and everything.

"I'll collapse today because I can rebuild tomorrow."

Yet amongst the hardship of my dietary dedication.... in between the momentary lapses of personal support.... laying within the collapse of my strength of character and in the ruin of my will power lay the catalyst for my re-energization like the crystal shard Clark Kent used to build his crystal palace...

My de-evolution reminded me of just how shitty it feels to be a middle class, mainstream commercialized zombie. Just another victim of the zpoc. The walking dead are here. It's us.

I've come to realize that with just the slight addition of processed meats, dairy, refined sugars or wheats in ones body, the chemistry of us changes. The affects are astounding.

The body is so pure it has an amazing ability to react quickly to outside forces and the realization that I now explode and burst into flames when I consume high sodium, MSG-laden, sugary foods is a clear indicator that factory farming and conveyor belt foods are better left on the shelves to expire.

Thus, this morning with the return to my Omega 8005 juicer ... with the return to my blog..... with the return to my ascent back to greatness.... I return with my head in check. I repent! But I shall not flog myself. The learning has been too great.

Like a feather right out of Forest Gump, I flip flopped back and forth across the currents of the winds, changing directions, and switching destinations. Although I could become bitter at myself and resent the lost time spent, or lamenting the added time to reaching my final goal, I can be excited about my travels.

I switched a few things. I switched a few things back. I took a few steps forward. Then I took a few steps back. And I did and about face. Twice.

But here I am... back on track. A better job, a better house, a better understanding of what it takes. This time, I know better. This time, I win.